I'm back again after another long 2 weeks in camp... In a word, field camp was wet. It rained every single day and every single night. Not a drizzle mind you... This was stormy weather kind of rain. It was strenuous but one heck of an experience. Thank God for His protection.

I was looking forward to a weekend of rest but unfortunately I'll have to book back in tomorrow night for guard duty. I got 'volunteered' for it because my rifle got stolen on the fifth night by one of the sergeants while I was asleep. I'm irritated with myself because I had put in effort to take care of my rifle for the previous 4 nights. I usually wind the sling a few times around my arm and then rest half my body over the rifle. I guess my hand must have slipped from the sling. Bleah...

So anyway, the worst thing is that I won't be able to go church this sunday. Its like being confined another week! But its a punishment that I feel that I deserve. Next week will be a short weekend too. Booking out only on Saturday afternoon or evening because of my situational test. That means I'm going outfield AGAIN! Outfield wouldn't be half as bad if it wasn't for the darn abrasions on my feet caused by wearing someone elses boots. Yup... We were allowed to take off our boots on one of the nights where we were sleeping in shelter and the next morning some one else took my size 8's. I'm still wearing the size 8's but the cutting of the boots is different. Probably wear my spare boots and buy another pair when I have enough credits. (Credits are given every month to NSF personnal to buy controlled army stuff like uniforms or equipment)

I almost forgot about range last week. I believe I have the ability to aim and shoot and I would have gotten a higher score than my 17/32 if my glasses didn't fog up during the night shooting. But excuses aside, I'm relieved that I didn't have to go for a re-shoot. Its amazing how much time we wasted just sitting at the range waiting for the various details (A detail is just another name for a group of men doing a particular activity) to go through the shoots.

My experience in the army has taught me the practical aspects of the goodness of God. Rather than learning from reading and from testimonies from others, I have learnt to depend on God for myself. One of the guys in my section mentioned that religion is for those that are weak... Those who can't depend on themselves. I agree totally with that statement. Except my relationship with God is no religion. Its not about rules. I am weak, no question about that. Its Him that makes me strong.

There's a sweet feeling when you're home... When you're with the people you love and care about. You know you're where you belong. Thats how I felt when I went back to church today. I had a wonderful time worshipping God today. Almost forgot what it was like to worship unreservedly, lifting my hands and my voice to God. Joseph chose a lot of love songs to God today and it really spoke of the way I feel about God after these 3 weeks. God's been so good to me that I can barely think about it without my eyes watering. Training has been tough but I feel like I'm inside a glove where nothing can harm me. Where difficult things are made bearable and the mundane made fun. This is God's promise to me and its almost unbelievable how its happening.

3 more hours before I book in... I can't wait to get it over with. This week will be a tough one with 3 days of range before I head out for field camp, which will stretch over the next weekend. Only 7 weeks left! As one of the platoon commanders in my company always says... "CAN BE DONE?!?!"
YES SIR!!!

::: Song of the Day :::
I heard a voice through the discord
Of a deluge of passersby
I saw one gaze frozen in time
Watching me passing by
And I swear I’ll know your face in the crowd
And I’ll hear your voice so loud
When you’re whispering

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger
Hey ungraceful I will teach you
To forgive one another

Here’s my kiss to betray
Desperate to brush the lips of grace
Do you feel hollow when you think of how I've lied?
And oh sweet angel of mercy
With your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me
And oh sweet angel of mercy
With your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger
To be stronger
Hey unloving
I will love you
I will love you
I will love you

And Jesus, I’m ready to come home
Jesus, I’m ready to come home
I'm ready to come home
Hey unfaithful
Hey ungraceful
Hey unloving
I will love you
| underoath - some will seek forgiveness, others escape |

Book Out!!!
It feels so good to be out... To be with the people I love and care about. After 2 and a half weeks of physical and mental strain, it feels good to be able to relax again. However, the feeling on the ferry back to Singapore filled me with mixed emotions. I was glad to be able to come home, but I felt slightly anxious about returning to Tekong on Sunday. It would be another 2 weeks of tough, if not tougher, training. I know I'll be fine though.

Some scribblings I made during the free time I had...

3 October 2004, Sunday
Today has been quite relaxing. 5 days here and I've learnt so much. I've also learnt that fear is a poor motivator... It eats at your being and make you unable to function. Its almost comical to see the sergeants yelling in the faces of blubbering recruits.... ALMOST, if it wasn't so painfully pathetic. Trying my best to leave the fear behind is essential. I guess me being able to understand the sergeants helps alot. Unfortunately there are still some who just don't get it. And the whole platoon suffers. I don't mind though. I take it as an excuse to get free personal training.

There are a few who may be good at one thing but crap at another. For example, there's this guy who can do dozens of chin ups for fun. But he can't march well. Or another guy who can run 2.4 very quickly but cannot swim or shoot... I believe I'm one of the few who belong to the category which you might call, 'blessedly average'. Doing just well enough to stay out of trouble but still requiring effort to be good at certain things.

Like I said... So many things learnt in the past few days that I can't even remember what I did yesterday. The encouragements from friends and family have been timely and helpful. Especially yesterday when I wasn't feeling well. Thank God I managed to get through. I can do all things through him.


6 October 2004, Wednesday
I'm in the lecture room again. Another national education talk. They're trying to brain wash us!! Hahaha... They keep repeating how good, prepared and technologically advanced our SAF is. Which is true in a way. The SAF is good but I don't think we would last if there was any real enemy. Our army is like concertina wire barriers. They're there to hinder and not to stop. Whatever the case, I'll just do my best and obey God. It hasn't been easy though. Every morning I wake up and my mind tries to find some excuse to skip training. But my spirit doesn't allow me too.... How can I even if I wanted to? He is my protection and also my medicine when I'm sick. So there's no reason why I should be entitled to that kind of rest. The training has been mostly bearable and even enjoyable in some cases. My Platoon Commander (PC) was saying that the standard to be considered for OCS is at least a silver but I'm still quite a long way from that. I'll just keep training.


7 October 2004, Thursday
Just finished my IMT range (simulated shooting range). It was quite fun. Had to use an eye patch to aim properly. Right now we're just learning the techniques of shooting. I don't want to be a marksman. Aiming is uncomfortable for me because my left eye is open behind the eye patch.


8 October 2004, Friday
We're relaxing in the canteen after visiting the e-mart. The mood is generally relaxed today except for a new sergeant (future platoon sergeant). Super strict, super vulgar, almost hateful. But I think it'll be good for the platoon to have some discipline. Some aren't putting in effort. We were pushed this morning. 3km run followed by conditioning (push ups, 1.5min squats, superman lifts). Had a chin up training regime just now too... Still stuck at 5 the first time, but I did 2 more sets of 3 as well as one more set of 6 assisted chin ups. Thank God I just got half gloves so its gonna help a lot in preventing more blisters.

Signed up for life insurance by Aviva. I think it'll be a good investment. The speaker was trying to instill fear into us by implying that those who didn't sign up or those who didn't 'believe' were more likely to get into accidents. Had to pray and make sure that the reason for signing up was not because of fear.